Tag Archives: stop pretending

Absurdities

Two entries in one day!?  Absurd!  And yet, here I sit at my desk typing away at an entry not even an hour after my last.

I just finished reading two blog entries that really seemed to speak to my internal struggle with my relationship with Kelsie in a way that I’d never really thought of before.  One really seemed to describe Kelsie perfectly so I subscribed (I’ll link at the end of this entry).

Growing up as an Army Brat I was no stranger to having a life never truly settled.  However, my mother always craved a calm, stable life.  So when my father retired from the Army, we settled in a small town in southern Arizona.  We lived there for almost half my life, I began to develop the same feelings toward how I want my life to turn out that my mom did.

One of the biggest internal struggles of mine is to find a role model that I can emulate.  My mom and I have a lot in common, however, this is not one of those common traits.  I developed a “Let’s settle down and start a family” from her.  I don’t really want that deep down.  That’s why Kelsie’s restless spirit is so attractive to me.  I need to stop emulating my mom in this way, it’s not leading me to fulfillment or a life that I actually dream about.

I know that not wanting a stable life is absurd.  It’s dangerous.  It’s stupid.  It’s…exciting.  That’s what I want.  I want the life that takes me down roads less traveled and leads me toward a life that gives me stories to tell.

I ask myself where I will be in ten years… Who knows?  I don’t want to be settled down prematurely.  I don’t want to be a slave to a daily grind that drains me of my drive to live a life worth living.  I don’t want the same “American Dream” life that my mother wants.  So I need to stop pretending I do.

So here’s the link to the blog entry that I read.  Aleah seems to be spot-on in this blog entry.  I subbed, and if anyone reading this likes the entry too, I definitely recommend subbing too.

Never forget who you are.

Sean

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